Why pushing your grandma down the stairs is not a good idea

Hello. My name is Siem Anym. No, I'm not Arabic, I don't even think that Arabic places have grandmas. Probably because of how they treat women...

Anywho, it all started at a Thanksgiving table with 3 other people.

I was the first to sit down, my dad was the second, my mom was third, and my grandma was fourth.

My grandma is known for cooking stuff that not even someone who can't feel taste or smell would eat.

As in, she would make stuff like "cabbage jello" or "Brussel Sprout soda".

Examples, not actual dishes, but still.

That is why I am going to do the thing that the title is telling me not to do.

It all started when the food arrived on our deer sweet table. It had some deer's on it, maybe that's why.

The food looked like the nasty patty from SpongeBob but somehow even worse.

Thankfully, there was no body parts in it. That's because she also uses a lot of infomercial products that promise to make cooking extremely easy.

I attempted to take a bite of it, and my 2 top teeth were announcing that they were going to quit my mouth if it ever had to eat that thing which could get mistaken for food.

I instead made a motion that sounded like chewing while throwing it under the table.

Grandma did not fall for my scheme. "Oh sweety boy, I saw you throw your food under the table!" she said.

I said "Nuh-uh". She said "Yuh-uh!". This went on for 5 minutes.

We then decided to start fighting because saying the same thing back and forth was getting way too boring.

I did an upperchuck first, but she used her "safety spatula" to whack me in the face. It did nothing because it had "safety" in the title.

I then decided to push her down the stairs because that was the only way to end her from ever making the worst food known to humanity again.

I fought her near the stairs...and then...PUSH! She fell. She broke every single bone in her body all at once.

The family cheered for me...until next Thanksgiving.

Next Thanksgiving, we got a mysterious paper in our mailbox. It said "sup bitches, I'm alllliiiiiiiiiiiivvvvvvveeeeeeee! - Grandma From HELL!".

That explains everything! She was literally a demon!

I knew what I had to do next, and it cost me 5 dollars and a prayer.

We brought an exorcist to the house where the event was happening, he had the water and everything!

The exorcist saw demon granny, AND LITERALLY JUMPED OUT OF THE WINDOW (and landed on the ground).

After that, we knew that we were fucked 7 ways to Sunday.

The first thing she did was strap us all to one of the houses walls.

The next thing she did was make us eat the food using metal device like things.

The only good thing was that the metal device stopped my teeth from leaving me.

The next thing she did was attempt to make us drink the brussel sprout soda!

Thankfully, we threw the drink into her mouth...and she melted like the witch in the wizard of oz.

Now we know that if you ever go to a holiday party by someone who is utter garbage at cooking, you should make sure to bring hydrochloride acid in a bottle ;)