House.EXE

Uploader's note: Sourced from an archived Reddit thread from 2013. Read at your own risk.

House, M.D. Season 9 Box Set Malfunction?

Ever since I was around 9 or 11 years old, I’ve been an avid House fan - I never missed a single episode and was very sad when the show ended. Recently, whilst visiting my home town, I decided to visit my local video store for nostalgia’s sake. Everything looked the same inside, every DVD was where I remembered it being. Scanning through the shelves, something very odd caught my eye: a full box set of House, M.D., seasons 1 through 9. If you know anything about House, you’d know it drew to a close on its eighth season.

I immediately bought it - had they made a ninth season without my knowledge? I had to know. The cashier gave me a weird look as I checked out but remained silent. As I left, I heard him murmur something inaudible, but I was too focused to let that bother me. When I got home, I immediately popped the season 9 DVD into my dusty player and watched intently. The opening credits went as usual, but the first scene was what caught me off guard.

The static video playing before my eyes showed the entire cast lying flat on the ground, submerged in ice. They screamed for mercy, begging to be released. House’s cane stuck out of the glacier like a sore thumb, frantically moving around. I took the disc out, okay, so this was a prank. Surely the other 8 seasons are alright, though?

The first season opened with the original cast looming around an indiscernible fog. They seemed… mildly uncomfortable. Silent.

The second season showed Dr. House in what looked like a hurricane? Being flung around like a ragdoll, his cane occasionally hitting him as the currents swept him away.

The third season started with Wilson surrounded by a disgusting storm. Dust and mud piled around him as he wept in agony.

The fourth season opened with the original ‘ducklings’ forced to carry gigantic boulders on their backs, sweating and hyperventilating, their tendons ripping under the pressure.

Season five had House and Cuddy fighting to the death in a swampy river, screaming at each other.In season six, the entire cast (including Masters) burned alive in flaming tombs chaotically thrown on top of each other. I could hear their pained cries for help, for mercy.

Season seven opened with House writhing in a boiling river of blood. It faded to Taub, who had been turned into a hideously gnarled tree, only permitted to speak when broken and bleeding.

Season eight just showed Foreman, dying of hunger and disease, running around - ravaging.

Has this happened to anyone else? Let me know!

Edit: I have been informed that these seasons represent the consecutive 9 circles of Hell. Thanks for the gold, kind strangers!

Original author unknown