Don't Die: Kill Agents and You

A Comprehensive Guide to Cognitohazardous and Memetic 'Kill' Agents

So You Fucked Up

If you're watching this presentation, it means one thing: you fucked up. Either you looked at a memetic agent and are lucky to still be alive, or maybe, you decided that it was a good idea to forward that weird phishing email to the rest of your site — no matter why, you should have known better.

So, to fix that, by the end of this presentation you will know:

• What a Kill Agent is;
• The Different Types of Kill Agents;
• How to Identify a Kill Agent;
• What to Do When You Fuck Up (Again).

First, understand that Memetic Kill Agents are dangerous, volatile, and complicated. However, the majority of 'kill agents' identified in the field do not actually kill the victim.

When you are safe, and ready to proceed, continue to the next slide.

Scared? Recognize the 'kill agent' from the 001 Proposals Access System? Well, you shouldn't be accessing that page — but ignoring that, that wasn't the same kill agent. It just appeared to be similar.

Lesson #1: Not all fractals are kill agents. Some are just images.

What Is a Kill Agent?

We like to use a lot of vague language to talk about hyper-specific and complicated things; the entire Foundation is guilty of this. But no field can compare to the lack of understanding Foundation researchers have towards memetics and cognitohazards.

To understand what a memetic or cognitohazardous kill agent is, well, you probably need to know what memetics is, right? No. You don't need to know. We do. You just need to know enough not to fuck up again — you need to know what this presentation will show.

A kill agent is anything that ends your life, through perception or conception.

So a kill agent ends your life. Simple enough, right?

Unfortunately, knowing you are going to die does little to help us save your life. If you want to survive (another) kill agent, you need to know what type you are dealing with.

The Big Three Kill Agent Types

When trying to remember the different types of Kill Agents, it is important to remember that all memeticists are CON artists. 'CON' is a useful mnemonic to remember the three main types of memetic agents:

• Chemical Kill Agents, which directly kill the victim by inducing the production of chemical compounds in the brain;
• Ontological Kill Agents, which directly kill the victim through a dangerous idea, concept, or impossibility;
• Neurological Kill Agents, which indirectly kill the victim through modifying their perception, rather than the direct methods of the previous types.

Type One: 'C'hemical Kill Agents

Chemical Kill Agents are generally the safest type of kill agent, because they have a delay before causing death. This is because a chemical kill agent's vector of attack is by forcing your brain to induce the production of specific neurotransmitters, such as epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and more.

Chemical Kill Agents, generally, are less of a guaranteed death sentence when compared to the other types. A chemical kill agent can be neutralized through counter-memetics, medical intervention, and, in emergencies, through the induction of temporary biological stasis, to erase memetic kill agent instructions.

Identifying Chemical Kill Agents (CKAs)

CKAs do:

• Make you feel different in your body. This can be as overt as pain, or a subtle as tingles;
• Cause progressive symptoms that worsen over time;
• Kill via triggering hazardous levels of chemical production.

CKAs do NOT:

• Kill you upon observation. This is the fastest indicator;
• Change reality, as CKAs only target chemical production;
• Have any inherently biohazardous properties when inert or unobserved.

Type Two: 'O'ntological Kill Agents

Ontological Kill Agents are the least predictable type of kill agent, due to the wide range of effects they can cause. An ontological kill agent's vector of attack is conceptual transfer; to be more specific, an individual idea, concept or meme can be communicated via visual triggers.

Unfortunately, this 'concept' can be literally anything, and the methods they utilize to cause death are just as unpredictable. The concept could be an idea that is impossible (causing you to fall out of reality), a hyper-aggressive, predatory infovore, or even just a concept incompatible with human life itself.

Identifying Ontological Kill Agents (OKAs)

OKAs do:

• Whatever they damn well please. They are unpredictable;
• Possess the potential to modify reality, potentially endangering others;
• Have a weakness to amnestics, as forgetting the idea can negate the kill agent.

OKAs do NOT:

• Have consistent symptoms between different exposed individuals;
• Cause immediate death, except in extreme circumstances;
• Pose a greater risk when neutralizing them, versus any other memetic kill hazards.

Type Three: 'N'eurological Kill Agents

Neurological Kill Agents are considered to be the most dangerous of all memetic kill agents, as they can threaten not only the life of the infected, but the lives of those around them. A neurological kill agent takes many alternative or subversive vectors of attack, indirectly resulting in the death of the infected.

In practice, this could be as subtle as telling your brain that you are dead, shutting down your biological functions, or as obvious as convincing you that you need to activate the site's self-destruct sequence. This is why Neurological kill agents are the most deadly: they could do anything.

Identifying Neurological Kill Agents (NKAs)

NKAs do:

• Impact a victim's ability to perceive reality;
• Have the ability to change the victim's opinions, beliefs and/or memories;
• Affect different individuals in distinctive, arbitrary ways.

NKAs do NOT:

• Change reality, despite what a victim may say;
• Have a consistent progression. They can be instant, or very slow;
• Have a consistent method of countering or neutralizing.

Now that you have a better idea about how to identify kill agents, you're probably thinking that you could probably survive one, right?

Lesson #2: No. You cannot beat a memetic kill agent. So please stop trying.

So. Are you ready to learn what to do when you see one?

So What Do You Do? S.I.T. on It!

When you see a kill hazard, or something you think might be one — what should you do? You should S.I.T. on it.

• S. - Stop what you are doing, close your eyes, and sit down. Stay calm, and do not panic.
• I. - Identify the type of kill hazard as best as you can. The more you can explain, the higher your chance of survival.
• T. - Tell somebody that there is an active cognitohazardous kill agent, and ask them to inform security. A memetics and countermemetics staff will be dispatched to your location to neutralize the hazard.

But wait! What if you're infected by one? Is there a guaranteed way to survive seeing a kill agent?

Lesson #3: They are called 'kill' agents for a reason. The best defense is not seeing them in the first place.

So. Are you feeling a bit better?

A little bit less like memetic kill agents are an unknowable danger? Do you feel more confident in your ability to survive an encounter with a memetic hazard?

Prove It.

We will now be distributing a written test, and you must get 90% of the questions correct, or you will be forced to take additional memetics fundamentals training classes. If you are not attending the class in person, or are viewing this after the fact, a quiz will be made available to you in the near future.

And if instead of being confused, you were bored and started to try and think up exceptions to the rules we laid out here — well, you just might have a future in memetics. And if you managed to catch our message to you in these slides, well then you definitely have what it takes.

And if you're still reading this?

Drop us a line at Site-43. — Heather G. and Lillian L.

So remember. The next time you see a kill agent and begin to panic?

S.I.T. on it!